


After the Storm

by sassenachwriter



Category: Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-06-15 03:42:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15404166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassenachwriter/pseuds/sassenachwriter
Summary: ''It seemed James Fraser was born to annoy the hell out of me.'' Some teenage love/hate modern AU.





	1. Wrong Words

**Author's Note:**

> Publishing The Writer Who Loved Me really inspired me to write more fics. Special thank you to @MClairefras for the amazing beta on this story 

CLAIRE

It seemed James Fraser was born to annoy the hell out of me. Everything he did, he made sure it’d get on my nerves. I didn’t know what I had done to deserve such constant attention, but it seemed it was terrible enough for him to annoy me every chance he got.

Of course, James Fraser was the male alpha. He was good at everything he did, effortlessly achieving anything he set his mind to. He was the best in sports, the best in school, the best in everything.

And if this wasn’t enough, he always had to make sure I looked like a fool.

It was easy for me to be the target for people like him. Not that I didn’t take my place, on the contrary, but I was new to the school and to make matters worse, I was British in Scotland, an outlander. My hair was wild, curly and dark when all the girls in school had perfect blond hair and I was very tall while they were all the perfect height. I didn’t feel welcomed in this school, but had to accept that I’d be spending my last year of high school here before leaving this damn country for Boston, where I would study medicine. I had it all planned in my head. I would go to Harvard and work during my studying years. After my parents died, they had left me a great amount of money to pay for university, so I had planned on working to support myself and rent a small apartment, maybe with my friend Joe, if he decided to change his plans and study there instead of at Yale.

I was sitting in the cafeteria, reading a novel while eating my lunch when James and his friends entered the room. They were different, he wasn’t exactly the popular guy we see in American movies, in fact, none of his friends were. They were just a bunch of assholes trying to be cool. All of them, James, Ian, Rupert and Angus.

They walked in front of me and I tried not to look up, but I couldn’t ignore them. So I did and met Jamie’s gaze. He immediately turned his head forward to laugh at something Angus had said, something he didn’t even hear. I rolled my eyes and went back to my book.

“Claire!”

I looked up to see Frank Randall coming to sit in front of me. Smiling politely, I set my book down on the table in front of me, cursing myself in my head. Frank was a kind guy and not altogether unattractive, but he was terribly boring. He was a big nerd, a history lover and unfortunately, he was attracted by me. I found him cute, but wished he would leave me alone. “Hi, Frank.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jamie and his friends sit at the same table, a few seats away from us.

“How are you?” He asked me, opening his lunch box.

“Fine. Thank you.” I took a bite of my sandwich, carefully looking down at my food.

“Hey guys.” Said a voice coming from the left. I looked up to see Angus who had moved a few seats closer to be next to us. “Take this, ye might need it. If ye need advice on how it’s done, come find me.” He winked and left a small box of condoms on the table. “Oh! And they’re the smallest size, to be sure.” He told Frank before walking away.

My cheeks burned red with both anger and embarrassment. All of the clique was laughing, so was Jamie. Frank cleared his throat, the lines of his face deep in shame. I got up, the box of condoms in hand and threw it on their table. “Keep it! But I think the size is too small for each one of you.”

Jamie and Ian stopped laughing, but Rupert and Angus seemed to find me quite funny. “And you don’t laugh, Rupert. You don’t need condoms when you use your own hands.”

Rupert stopped laughing, but my comment made Angus burst out in a laugh. I walked back to my spot and packed my things.

“I’m sorry.” I told Frank and left the cafeteria, putting my headphones on.

JAMIE

It seemed everything I did annoyed the hell out of Claire Beauchamp. I tried to be nice to her, but she only noticed me when I was bothering her wi’ the gang. When I had talked to Murtagh about her, he had said women didna care whether ye were nice or not wi’ them. I had thought that it seemed a little 18th century to think like this, but I didn’t know any better. Murtagh wasn’t an expert in the art of seduction, but he surely knew better than I.

We were in the gym, about to play rugby. We had to choose people for our team and I was one of the two captains, the other was Ian. He picked up all the lads of the class, leaving me all the lasses. Of course, I followed Murtagh’s tip and decided to choose Claire when there were only two people left, the other being the worst person in sport of the entire school. But Ian, the bastard, picked Claire before I could.

I felt bad for her. She was good in sport, with legs like she had, she ran very fast and had long arms to throw the balls with. She was very smart and had real sense of the game. She also had a really amazing fine, round arse that looked especially good with the shorts she wore for gym class and I sometimes had to readjust myself in my own shorts.

She got up and walked behind Ian, once he had picked her. Without looking at anyone, she went to the back of the team and stood next to Mary Hawkins, a small girl who stuttered any time she opened her mouth.

The coach started the game. I was playing with Rupert and a guy named Willie and a bunch of lasses who were afraid of the ball. Claire wasn’t afraid, but still she was left on the bench. I looked up at her, politely listening while Mary Hawkins talked. Her hair was up in a bun, but her curls were escaping from everywhere, framing her beautiful face. Sometimes, in my dreams, I would put one of them behind her ear and kiss her gently on the lips.

“Fraser. Fraser!” I looked up to see Phillip Wylie from my team telling me the game had started.

I was very competitive and pretty good at it. Wi’ Murtagh and Jenny, we often watched rugby and all kinds of sports like soccer, tennis and hockey at night and because of that, I had developed a certain instinct in the game.

After scoring a few points, I went to the bench breathless and sat, trying to catch my breath. I drank some water and ran my towel over my sweaty skin. I looked at the other bench and didn’t see the sight of Claire. She was out on the court, playing alongside Ian, Angus, Charles Stuart and other good players and she was doing great. It made me want to go back and play wi’ her. “Isobel!” I shouted.

The brown haired lass turned to see me ask her to swap out. She didn’t hesitate and started to run towards the bench. I entered the game and hoped it would give me a chance to have contact wi’ Claire. I had never touched her, only brushed past her and the sweet smell of her perfume haunted me.

Of course nobody was giving her the ball. She asked for it, marking her position, but every time one of the guys were stuck in a dead end, they preferred to lose it to our team rather than to give it to her. I could see deception and reject on her face.

I was looking at her from far away, keeping an eye on her, making sure she didn’t get the ball. If she did and started to run, she would definitely score. And then it happened. Finally, Tom Christie threw the ball at her. She had moved without me noticing and was very well positioned. She could make it behind our line, so I ran towards her. Seeing me now in front of her, she tried to push past me, but I was too fast and her head hit my shoulder, making her fall on the floor. I tried to grab her, my hands brushing her waist, but it happened too fast.

“I’m so sorry!” I said, offering her a hand. She looked up at me, eyes filled with tears and got up on her own. “I didna mean to hurt ye.”

Her nose started bleeding and she felt it, droplets of blood collecting on her hand. She wiped the blood with a finger and ran out of the gym. “I’m sorry!” I shouted after her.

Damn it.

CLAIRE

I pushed the door open and hurried into the bathroom. I shouldn’t be crying, not for this. Not because of him, but I couldn’t help it. Tears were streaming down my face, mixing with the hot red blood running from my nose. I grabbed some toilet paper to stop the bleeding, but the sobbing didn’t help matters much.

I hated this place, this school, this country. I just wanted to go home to my beautiful London house with my parents or into the desert with uncle Lamb. Not in Scotland, in a school filled with assholes like James Fraser.

The door of the bathroom opened and James came in. I turned around, my back facing him so he wouldn’t see the tears. “Go away.”

He didn’t leave but took a step forward instead. “Are ye hurt, Claire?”

“I’m fine. Just bleeding like a pig, thanks to you.”

“Is yer nose broken?”

I shook my head.

“Are ye sure?”

“I think I know better than you. Now, leave. It’s the ladies room.” I crossed my free arm over my chest.

“The coach said that after what I did, I didna have in my pants the requirement to be called a man.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle. “He’s right.”

Jamie laughed shyly. “I know ye think I did it on purpose, but I wouldna hurt ye.” He said some moment later.

This time, I turned to face him, an incredulous grimace on my face. “You wouldn’t hurt me? Is this a joke?” I must have been ridiculous, my face red from crying and a complete roll of toilet paper sponged with my blood. “You do it all the fucking time!”

His face changed then, from a truly annoying naive expression to something darker.

“I’m sorry.” He cleared his throat and left. I rolled my eyes and finished cleaning up my nose.

JAMIE

I was lying on my bed that night, my English book open on my chest. I couldn’t help but think about what Claire had told me. I was hurting her. And I had been such a bastard, I hadna seen it.

I thought maybe I was annoying her, but I didn’t think I was hurting her. The thought made me sad, but mostly ashamed. I was mean to the only lass I cared about. I didna know what to say to her to make her like me. When I was kind wi’ her, she didn’t notice me, but when I was a bastard, I hurt her.

I got up from my bed and went into my mother’s library. The big room was completely filled with shelves stocked with books. I had read maybe half of them. I hadna enjoyed most of them, but it gave me an illusion of closeness to her. After her death, I had longed for tenderness, for love. The only person who had ever shown affection to me was dead and I terribly missed it and missed her. My father had loved me, Murtagh loved me, my sister Jenny loved me, my friends loved me, but none of these people were tender with me like my mother had been. I longed for that kind of touch everyday.

I walked between the shelves, trying to find a book that would help me talk to lasses. I didn’t know what to look for, but there were books about everything here, I thought there must be one about seduction or something like that, but I didn’t find anything. There was no one I could talk to and Murtagh’s tips weren’t working well. After almost an hour of searching, I gave up and walked to Jenny’s room. I stayed in front of the door and waited for about five minutes, but decided to turn back to my room.

I turned off the light and fell asleep, dreaming of an alternative universe where Claire loved me like I loved her.


	2. Sassenach

JAMIE

My father always told me it was a sin to be jealous, but for Claire Beauchamp, I’d willingly go to hell and beyond.

When I saw her talking with that Frank Randall guy, at the bike parking, I felt a cold drop of sweat run down my spine and my fists involuntarily clenched. I really didna like this guy, mostly because his cousin Jonathan was a complete jerk and was known to have a mean streak around town, but also because he was such a snob, wearing his pristine, expensive clothes and always thinking himself smarter than everyone.

But I didna care for the lad, I only had eyes for her. She was wearing her red corduroy coat that I liked so much and her hair fell around her face like a cloud. I wanted to go talk to her, but I was afraid she would reject me after the incident in the gym, the previous day.

Walking past them to enter the school, I heard Frank ask Claire out this Friday night, to go to the movies. She hesitated, to my delight, but then answered that she would love to with a smile. I entered the building and spent the morning cursing the entire damn Randall family in my head.

 

CLAIRE

“Claire! I didna see ye at the bike parking this morning.” Geillis Duncan told me when I sat next to her in chemistry class. We had spent the last weeks sitting beside each other. She was good at the subject and I enjoyed doing the exercises with her, but she was a little bit weird. I didn’t know what exactly, but there was something off with her. Besides, I didn’t have other friends in this school and she was the only one who had interest in me since I arrived here. Well honest interest, not only to make fun of me or ask me out on dates.

“I came late, sorry.” I lied. I didn’t want to tell her that Frank had invited me out. Geillis was into gossip and the last thing I wanted was the entire school knowing that Claire Beauchamp the new weirdo, was going out with Frank Randall the mysterious history nerd.

“I was wondering if ye’d like to eat wi’ me, today? I see ye eat alone all the time and most days I eat alone too. A little company would not hurt.”

We met for lunch in the cafeteria, sitting between a group of studying girls and two lovers who didn’t stop making out the entire break. I found myself looking to see whether James Fraser and his friends were around. I saw them sitting a few tables away from us, playing a game of cards. I was starting to get used to their jokes, but yesterday, the hit with the shoulder, whether it was an accident or not, was almost too much. The fact that he had tried to apologize,at least gave me hope that there were chances he would stop paying attention to me. He did feel bad for hurting me, after all.

Finally, the couple got up and left. “Was about time.” I said, taking a bite of my turkey sandwich.

“Aye.” Geillis laughed. “Though I canna blame them.”

I raised one eyebrow at her.

“What? Don’t tell me ye’ve never… Made out in the middle of the cafeteria, unable to keep yer hands from yer lover?” She laughed, her hands wrapping around her body.

“Well… No.” I chuckled. “But, my friend Joe says that teenagers are even worse in Boston.”

“Joe? Is he handsome?” She smiled.

I burst out in a laugh and shook my head. “No. Well yes, I guess, but not for me and not in the way you think.”

“So ye’ve never…” She wiggled her eyebrows in a suggestive manner.

“With Joe? No! No, never!” I grimaced at the thought. “That would be like… Incest. He’s like a brother to me.”

“But ye have done it…” She came closer to me so the people around us wouldn’t hear.

Not only was it not any of her business, but she was mostly a stranger, a few hours in chemistry class and forty minutes sharing a lunch wasn’t enough to tell her all my secrets. Especially to Geillis Duncan.

I didn’t wish to talk, but of course, my glass face betrayed me. Again. Because a big grin spread on her face, glittering her eyes. “Ye haven’t.”

I felt blush rise to my cheeks and I hid my face behind my hands. What was I supposed to say?

“What are ye waiting for?” She asked, taking hold of my arm. “Claire! How old are ye? Seventeen? Eighteen? It’s about time.”

I was startled. About time? “Well… It just never happened. Besides, I don’t really mind, you know. I can live with it.”

She rolled her eyes. “That’s because ye dinna ken what yer missing, lass. Trust my word, once ye’ve tasted it, ye willna stop wanting it.”

I did want to do it. At night, my body was aching, longing for someone to love, someone to touch. In England, I had met a few gentlemen. It simply never went further than making out in the back of their car. And since I had moved to Scotland, all my chances of falling in love were gone.

“Anyway…” I said and looked up, only to find Jamie staring at me. When I met his gaze, he looked down at his cards, the tip of his ears turning pink and a small smile on the corner of his lips.

“Surely there’s someone…” She said, but I shrugged, not wanting to talk about it. Geillis was Geillis, though, she pushed the subject. “What about that English guy that keeps talking to ye? Jack’s cousin?” I shook my head dismissing the idea. “Or about the ginger lad that’s always around ye? Jamie Fraser?”

If I wasn’t already flushed, I would have turned crimson red. “Oh no!”

“Why not? He’s good looking. And from the way I’ve seen him stare at ye in Literature classes, he finds ye good looking as well.”

Clearly she was seeing things, too lost in her lust filled world. Still, it made me look up again at James Fraser to see his relaxed features as he played with his friends. He was quite charming when he was being nice and not at all bad to look at.

Saying that, Geillis planted a “What If” seed in my head, even if it lasted only a few seconds. What if she was right? What if Jamie actually liked me?

I waved the thought off. It was simply impossible.

 

JAMIE

I waited outside after the bell rang at the end of the day, hoping to see Claire. All the students were coming out of the school, walking to their buses, their cars or to their bikes. I was searching the crowd when I saw her tall figure standing out above all the lasses. She went to unlock her bike and started to walk next to it. I ran after her, clutching my books to my chest. “Claire!”

I stood in front of her on the sidewalk, blocking her way. She rolled her eyes, crossing her arms on her chest. “Yes, Fraser?

I smiled at the use of my last name. “Can I walk wi’ you?”

She narrowed her eyes, suspicious about my intentions. “Why? You want to see where I live so you can come with your friends throw eggs, tomatoes or toilet paper rolls on it?”

Amused, I shook my head. “Nah. For that, I could just follow ye without knowing it.” I blushed at her raised eyebrow. “I want to talk to ye. Just the two of us.”

She frowned, her eyebrows drawing together. “I don’t know, James, I…”

“Jamie. Call me Jamie, please. And dinna worry, I’m not going to annoy you.” At least I hope not.

“Good luck with that, Jamie.” We started walking together, not speaking, until she broke the silence some moments later. “What is it that you want to tell me, then?”

“I wanted to apologize for yesterday.” I put my hands in my pocket, barely believing she accepted to talk with me. “I know ye didna believe it, but really I didna want to hurt you.”

“It’s fine, really, Jamie. It wasn’t so bad, it looked a lot worse than it was. I woke up with a big headache though. You have hard shoulders.” She smiled shyly.

There was an awkward silence for a moment, as we walked into less populated streets. “Ye said that I hurt ye all the time and I-”

“I was angry, alright? I didn’t think all that I said.” She interrupted. She wasn’t looking at me, but at the path she was walking on.

“I think ye meant it.”

Then she turned her eyes on me, her mouth pressed tight in a grimace. “Alright. You want to know the truth? I find you and your friends to be the most annoying students in the school. I just came from England, my home, to live in a town that I never wanted to be in, in the first place and instead of accepting me with warmth and kindness, you decide to make me the target for your immature jokes and rejecting me every chance you get.”

So that was it. Christ, she thought that I was a jerk. “I’m sorry.” I said. “I never intended on hurting you.”

“You’re not hurting me, Jamie. You just are… A pain in my arse.”

Aye and a beautiful arse that is.

“We’re here.” She said, stopping in front of a cute flat decorated wi’ flowers. “I swear to you, James Fraser, if I come out tomorrow and see that you’ve done anything to this house, I’ll cut your heart out and have it for breakfast.”

“Alright.” I chuckled.

She locked her bike on the iron fence and straightened back to look at me.

“Thanks for talking to me.”

“I hope we’ve settled things between us? I would very much like it if you would stop.. All of you. That thing Angus did to Frank with the box of condoms… That was very, very lame.”

I felt my blood rise to my cheeks and nodded, scratching the nape of my neck in embarrassment. “Good evening, Sassenach.” I shot my eyes up, immediately regretting the words that came out of my mouth.

“Sassenach?” She lifted her eyebrows. “Seriously? Don’t you even listen when I talk, for Christ’s sake!” She angrily walked the path to her flat.

“I didn’t mean it that way!” I shouted after her, but she banged the door behind her.


	3. Masquerade

CLAIRE

I didn't put special clothes on, nor did I put on more makeup than usual for Frank. We were going to the movies, after all, we'd be spending the night in the dark, looking at a screen. Which made me realize that going to the movies was the worst place for a first date. We wouldn't be talking, wouldn't be getting to know each other, we'd just be staring at a screen and then say goodnight. 

I met Frank directly at the cinema. He seemed happy to see me and even paid for my ticket. “Do you usually eat popcorn when you come to the theatre?” I asked him.

He seemed uncomfortable by my question and smiled. “Do you?” 

“Yes.”

His nod made me understand that if he did come to watch movies, he didn't eat popcorn. Another thing he didn't do at the cinema was watch American blockbusters like the movie I had chosen. The Planet of the Apes. I thought it was a universal movie choice for a first date, but apparently he had no interest in seeing talking monkeys. I felt a little bad for him, but told myself that if there were movies he absolutely didn't want to see, he shouldn't have asked me to choose. 

We were waiting in line before entering the theater and he was looking at me eating my popcorn with an amused face. “What?” I asked in an uncomfortable laugh. 

He shrugged and smile. “I just think you look cute.”

I felt my cheeks go red and stopped eating. “I'll keep it for the film.”

He laughed shyly and something red caught my eye behind his shoulder. “No way.”

James Fraser was standing in the same line, a small blond girl gazing dreamily at him by his side. I felt my jaw clench at the sight. Was he following me? Clearly, he couldn't since he didn't even know I was coming tonight. I frowned and looked back down at my popcorn, suddenly very annoyed that Jamie was here, especially with a blond bimbo, I entered the theater, trying not to look back.

He and his date sat on the row just in front of us, about five seats on our left. I tried not to look at him, but obviously couldn't help myself. There was an odd feeling in my chest, a feeling I had never really experienced before, but I didn't enjoy at all, almost jealousy. 

Frank followed my gaze and noticed the scot and his lass. “Oh, look. Jamie Fraser and Laoghaire MacKenzie.” He whispered in my ear. “I didn't know they were dating, but I do know that she has been after him since they were in kindergarten.”

His girlfriend. Alright, good for him. Why was it disturbing me, then? 

I concentrated on the screen when the lights went out, but couldn't help as my eyes drifted over to them. Jamie walking with me, two days ago, had made me curious about what Geillis had said. Maybe he didn't know how to talk to me so pretended to be a jerk to catch my attention. That was possible, after all. And that he had absolutely wanted to apologize and know why I didn't like him had made me believe it. I wouldn't admit it, even in my head, but I had spent the past two days nourishing the “What If” seed Geillis had planted. What if he was attracted to me? Clearly not, apparently his type fitted perfectly the no-brain-perfect-blondes stereotype girlfriend. 

After thinking about him for the past two days, though, the idea of Jamie liking me was starting to be interesting, even if I promised myself I would never make it become more than a midnight fantasy. Still, I liked to imagine that he had a crush on me. No one ever had a crush on me before and Jamie Fraser was quite the figure, when he wasn't being an ass. 

I looked at him again and met his eyes. We both turned our heads to look at the movie, but I felt my heart beat faster and my blood burn into my neck and cheeks. 

What the hell is he doing?

 

JAMIE

The bastard took her hand. I clenched my fist, trying to look relax in front of Laoghaire.

What the hell was wrong with me? Inviting her here to make Claire jealous. She wouldna be jealous of Laoghaire, because she was the one going on a date and I was the one who was jealous, not Claire. Cursing in my head, I angrily crossed my arms on my chest. Now, I would have to endure more than two hours as a witness to their date, while they would probably be holding hands and kissing just behind my head. 

I tried not to turn around all the time. Everytime I did, I felt anger rising in my chest, but when I didna, my heart would beat faster, imagining the most sickly scenarios of what was going on there. 

She had let him take hold of her hand. She hadn't held back, but hadna moved away either. Was that a good sign? 

Probably not since an hour later, they were still holding hands. I was restless, going crazy, not knowing what to do. So I turned to face Laoghaire. She had been expecting it for the evening, I presumed, since she accepted my kiss in no time. I tried to make it last as long as possible, wanting Claire to see it. I opened my eyes to see her staring at us, so I closed them again and deepened the kiss. 

I didna much like making out with Laoghaire, especially in the middle of a cinema. But the startled look on Claire’s face was gratifying. 

I felt like a coward, like a bastard, using a lass to make another one jealous. Christ Jamie. What would my Da think of this? I'd definitely go in hell for it. 

 

CLAIRE

When the movie ended, Frank and I walked out of the theater in an awkward silence. “You enjoyed the movie?” He asked, trying to fill the silence with conversation. 

“Yes.” I lied, lost in my mind, not paying much attention to him.

“Hey, Fraser! Laoghaire.” I looked up to see that Frank had apostrophized Jamie and Lee Ree, like he had called her. Jamie looked startled and buried his hands in his pockets. “Did you enjoy the film?”

“I did!” The blond lass said. I almost wanted to laugh at how cliché this girl was, especially standing next to him, her dog eyes beaming back at us. 

“Aye.” Jamie said, his head bent. “We've got to go. Goodnight.”

He left without looking at me. I wanted to roll my eyes, but thought better of it. 

“Want me to walk you home?” Frank asked with an innocent smile and I nodded. 

Once we arrived in front of my flat, he stood there quietly, looking at me with a shy smile. “I had a great night.”

“Me too.” I said more convincingly than I intended. Then, he bent and kissed me on the lips, not even touching me. I was startled at first, but then, let him kiss me. It didn't last long before he straightened back. “Goodnight.” He smiled. 

“Thank you for taking me out.”

When I went to bed that night, I tried to fall asleep peacefully, but couldn't help but imagine Lee Ree going home with Jamie. I tried to think that they had parted ways just after the movie, but I had seen the way she had kissed him. She was hungry, like a lioness ready to jump on its meal. I swallowed, not able to convince myself Jamie would resist to her advances. They were probably already naked, rolling on the floor, hands all over each other. 

What an horrible thought. I focused my head on plants and herbs, trying to think about what Master Raymond, the owner of the Apothecary store I worked at, taught me. He had shown me new plants I didn't know and what to make with them. I fell asleep thinking about what I could do with forget-me-nots.

 

JAMIE

Clearly he was with her. Making out in the back of his car, tearing the clothes off the other’s body. I didn't think Claire was the type of girl to jump into bed after the first date - well was it their first date?- but I was always imagining the worst. I hoped she hadn't enjoyed her night, not because of me being there, but because of him. 

Frank wasn't the right lad for her. I didn't know her very well, but I could see it, there were no electricity between the two of them. I hoped Claire had realized it, or would sometime soon.

If not, I would have to show her she deserves to be loved the right way. Like Frank would never be able to. Maybe if I asked her out, I would show her that she could be happy wi’ me.


	4. The Good Bad Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing goes as planned...

CLAIRE

Uncle Lamb took me out for dinner two weeks after the cinema incident. I still felt bad for Frank. He was a nice guy, one of the only ones who had welcomed me here and that’s why I had felt the need to tell him the truth. “Nothing more than friendship is ever going to happen between you and I.” To that, he had nodded, with a dreadful look on his face and had walked away from me. I hadn’t talked to him since.

The other person I hadn’t talked to since the showing of The Planet of The Apes, was Jamie. I didn’t see him with his Lee Ree in school, in fact, it looked like she was avoiding him, which did nothing to help my curiosity and my imagination of what had happened after the date.

I didn’t talk to Jamie, but he didn’t annoy me anymore and his friends stopped their jokes. I thought I’d like it when he stopped paying attention to me, but I wished we could talk even though I was angry at him. Angry at him for kissing her in front of me, daring me to do something. I was determined to wait until he talked to me.

“So what will you eat?” Lamb asked.

I looked up at my uncle who was sitting on the bench in front of me in a cosy, very scottish restaurant. “I don’t know yet.”

I concentrated on the menu, analyzing the meals offered when the waiter came to take our orders. “Are ye ready to order?”

Damn.

Startled, I stared up at Jamie who was standing by the table, his notepad open in his big hands. I didn’t really go out, but apparently he had to end up everywhere I went.

“Hi.” He smiled shyly when he saw the recognition in my now flushed face.

“Hi.” I coughed, looking down at the menu and trying to avoid looking back at him.

“I’ll take the steak with the chips.” Uncle Lamb said. “And another beer, Braven from Skye, this time.” He closed the menu and both Jamie and Lamb looked at me.

“Hum… the steak pie, please.” I said, choosing the first thing my eyes caught on the menu.

“Perfect.” Jamie’s finger lightly brushed mine as I handed the menu to him. He put them under his arm, but instead of leaving, he looked down at me. “I wasn’t expecting to see ye, Claire. Ye look lovely.”

I felt as though my heart would explode beating so fast. Lovely? I was wearing a lambswool tartan pattern sweater and dark jeans. My hair was up in a messy bun and I didn’t have on any makeup.

Nonetheless, I blushed at his comment. “Thanks. I didn’t know you worked here.” I tried to sound as casual as possible, but by the amused look Lamb shot at me, I knew my glass face was betraying me.

“Aye. This is my uncle’s restaurant. My sister works here too, but she isna here today.” He stood there, a genuine smile on his face. “Anyway, I should keep on going. Won’t be long until your supper is ready.”

I took my glass and hid my face in it, sipping my beer. Lamb’s look was weighing on me. He didn’t have to say anything, just stare at me and I would throw it all at him. “He’s a guy from school.” I said, not looking up.

“A guy?” He smirked.

I nodded, putting my glass down. I looked around, trying to see something – anything, to change the subject. My eyes met Jamie’s, who smiled at me with a wide grin deepening my blush that had appeared every since Jamie did.

“Or that guy?”

“No! Not that kind of guy.” I said, uneasy. I did have a big crush on Jamie, even if I tried to convince myself otherwise.

“The one you went to the movie with?”

“No.” I said dryly. “Not him. He’s just an annoying guy from my class.”

“He’s cute.” Lamb said, winking at me.

Yes, you have no idea. Especially in his gym shorts.

“You can have him if you want.” I shrugged. “Anyway, I don’t like him like that.”

Lamb laughed out loud. “Well… Maybe you don’t like him, but he certainly does like you.”

“What?” I asked in a thick, scandalized British accent.

My uncle shook his head, a mischievous smile on his damn Beauchamp face. “You didn’t see the way he looked at you? And talked to you?” He looked up and over past my shoulder and his smile grew wider. “He keeps looking back here, you know?”

“Nonsense! I would like if you stopped talking about him when he’s nearby, please. And don’t imagine things that are not real.” I said in a low voice.

Smiling, he shook his head. “Teenagers.”

Finally, he dropped the subject and we started to talk about school until Jamie came back with our plates. “Steak and fries.” He put the giant plate in front of Lamb and the other one in front of me. “The steak pie. Anything else I can get you?” He asked us, but only looked at me.

“No, thank you.” I said and he left after wishing us a great meal. I couldn’t help but smile. He was charming. And had an amazingly round arse.

 

JAMIE

Claire stayed for an hour in the restaurant. Once they were finished, the man with her, I presumed was her father, asked for the bill. I wanted to do something special for her.

I printed the bill and walked to their table. “There’s the bill.” The man took his wallet out of his coat pocket and paid for their dinner. I couldn’t help but look at her, so bonnie in her blue tartan sweater. She did look very much like a scot and it suited her well. “You enjoyed your meal?” I asked her, trying to find something to say, the clock running out as the man counted the money.

She looked at me and smiled shyly. “Yes. It was delicious.”

I nodded trying to add something, but her whisky eyes we paralyzing.

“There. Keep the change.” The man said.

I counted and put the money inside my apron. “Thank you very much and have a nice evening.”

“Thank you, young man.” The man said with a strange smile.

I turned my eyes to her, wishing she would stay. “Goodbye, Claire.” I told her and walked back to the station. Pretending to be putting money into the cashier, I looked to their table to see her reaction. I couldn’t help but smile.

 

CLAIRE

Go out with me?

“I told you.” Lamb said with a big smile. “He’s crazy about you.”

I blushed and shook my head, trying to find something to dismiss it, but couldn’t. “I don’t understand him.” I looked up to see him staring at us. He smiled shyly and shrugged before going back to work.

***

When I went back to school the following Monday, I found Jamie waiting in front of my locker. “Good morning.” He smiled at me.

“What are you doing here?” There was really no need to ask, he was here for the note.

“Did you made up your mind? About the wee note?”

“About going out with you? I don’t know, Jamie… Your girlfriend wouldn’t like it.”

“My girl- Laoghaire? She isna my girlfriend.” His hands were deep in the pockets of his jeans and his head was bent in awkwardness or perhaps in shame?

“I would have thought so. At the movie.” I immediately regretted the words as they escaped my lips. He looked up at me and smiled cockily at my slip, but was serious when he talked.

“No. I… it’s a long story, actually and I dinna want ye to think… Well to think less of me.” I raised one eyebrow as he buried himself deeper in his explanation. “It’s not that… I don’t mean this. All I want to say is that it’s ye that I want to be with… I mean not be with but hang out with. You’re nice and kind and…” He trailed off and lifted his eyebrows at my smile. “What?”

“Nothing. I don’t know Jamie… I…”

“Just try it? Go out with me one time.” He pressed his lips together, looking so hopeful.

I couldn’t say no to him when he acted like that, looking cute in his green hoodie and black raincoat. “One time.” I said, making him grin and stand up proudly.

 

JAMIE

On Friday night, Murtagh let me take his car to bring Claire out. I decided to take her somewhere fun, somewhere I hoped she would enjoy – the arcade. I didn’t like to go to the arcade. There were too much people, too much noises and I found videogames quite boring. But I when I did go, I saw many couples hanging around there, so I thought it would be a great place to bring her.

When I arrived in front of her place, I honked and waited until she came out. I wanted to go inside and meet her parents before properly taking her out, but I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable if she didn’t want them to meet me.

She came out, wearing a nice leather jacket making her look incredibly sexy. She climbed into the passenger seat and smiled awkwardly at me. “Hi.”

“Hey.” I put my sunglasses on again and turned the car on. “You look pretty.” I smiled at her.

We entered the arcade and I was desperately trying to find something to say, but I didn’t know what she liked to talk about and the last thing I wanted was to bother the hell out of her. “You come here often?” I asked her.

“No. I’ve been in an arcade only once. Didn’t really enjoy it.”

That was it. I froze and she saw it. “I mean… I’m glad to be here with you, it’s been a while since that time.” She said awkwardly, realizing what her words meant.

I nodded, but felt desperate. “You hungry?” I asked, trying to find something to do she’d maybe enjoy more.

We ate hot dogs in silence, looking around to see people playing with the machines. “Do you? Like to come here?” She asked me, taking a bite.

What was I supposed to say? The truth that I didn’t or that I did like it, hoping she would find me cool. I thought she’d think it cool to come here, but she wasn’t like the other lasses of our age. She wouldn’t be impressed by my fast driving, my rock star sunglasses and my skills at the arcade machines. Again, I had failed.

Suddenly there was a weight on my stomach, all hopes of going out with her again were dead. She’d think I was just like all the lads of my age, pretending to be cool. But I wasn’t and I terribly wanted her to know, but I didn’t know how. Everytime I tried, it was like I was pushing her away from me.

We went back to the arcade and played a few games, but I didn’t feel she was into it. She was looking around, her hands buried in her pockets, not saying anything. “I should be going home.” She said after finishing a pack man game.

“I’ll drive you home.” I immediately proposed, but was cut short.

“No, it’s fine. Thanks for the evening, it was nice.” She said politely and walked out of the arcade before I could say anything.

I drove home, feeling completely devastated. She definitely didn’t like me. I had bored her to death, even more than Frank had. Cursing, I parked in front of the house and walked inside.

“So how was your date?” Murtagh asked me when I entered the kitchen. He was sitting at the coffee table reading a newspaper while sipping his tea.

“It wasn’t a date.” I said bitterly, putting the keys on the counter. I opened a bottle of soda and sat in front of him.

“Not so well, I presume.” Murtagh said, crossing his arms on his chest.

“Horrible, actually. She hates me.”

“What did you do this time, lad?”

“I mess up all the time when I’m around her. I dinna know how to act, what to say for her to like me.” I drank a long sip of the refreshing drink, cooling my heated body from being in the heat in the arcade, from being around Claire and from the anger I felt.

Jenny entered the kitchen and sat with us, picking up a donut on her way in. “Why are lads so clueless?” She asked, clearly upset.

“What are you talking about?” My godfather asked her. He didn’t really care about our heart stories, but always tried to help us nonetheless.

“My boyfriend. He doesna get it. We went to the movies, watched a fucking film. A film! And he canna just tell me if he liked it or not, he only says dumb comments about it. It’s always like that. He is never serious and it’s annoying. I canna have a proper conversation with him.”

“Yeah, well your boyfriend is an arse, we all know that.” I said. Not only he was he an absolute jerk, but I knew my friend Ian had a big crush on my sister, even though he never said it out loud. She’d be better with him than with her stupid high school boyfriend.

“Maybe, but what’s annoying is that he’s a smart guy, but always acts stupidly, like it was more attractive. I don’t know why he thinks it works with me.”

I felt my neck go red, realizing that it was exactly how I was acting with Claire.

“I just want him to be himself when he’s with me. Not pretend to be someone else.”


	5. Ready to Sail

JAMIE

Ian and I were expecting around ten people to come tonight. We didn’t go to parties – didn’t do parties, weren’t invited to parties, but sometimes we liked to gather with friends and watch some rugby. Tonight, we would settle with food in front of the TV while Murtagh was out with friends at a boxing game and we’d root for our favourite team.

It had been a week since my date with Claire and I hadn’t talked to her ever since. I was determined to change my behaviour towards her. In fact, I felt very stupid for believing she would be interested in a jerk like me. Maybe Laoghaire would, but Claire was different.

She definitely had high expectations towards everything in life and I was ready to work hard to please her. The opportunity had not shown up and I was afraid of showing her who I really was, afraid she wouldn’t like me. She didn’t like me already, so what was there to lose anyway? Perhaps I was nervous because it was my only chance left.

Rupert and Angus arrived first. Ian had come home with me after school to buy the food and get the house ready for the evening. After that, Charles came with beers and his new girlfriend, Louise, a charming French student from Paris.

“I hope you don’t mind but my friend asked me if she could come.” Charles told me while we put the beer in the fridge. “Her friend will come with her.”

I didn’t mind, as long as I didn’t end up with a hundred strangers in Murtagh’s house.

But when I saw the friends of Charles, I panicked a little. Geillis Duncan and Claire Beauchamp entered the door. I was not prepared to talked to her, I didn’t plan up anything to say to her. Would she want to talk to me? Would she still think I was some lame jerk?

When she saw me, she froze. I smiled tentatively at her. “Hi Claire.”

“I didn’t know it was your party.” She said, suddenly looking regretful about coming.

“Well… It’s just a sport evening, truly. I’m glad yer here, even though ye wouldna have come if ye knew it was at my home.”

She smiled and shook her head before letting out a beautiful laugh. I blinked, not believing what I was seeing. She seemed to relax and shrugged. “Well, now that I’m here.”

Geillis had left to grab a drink, leaving us alone in the hall. “Listen Claire. I’m sorry about the arcade. It wasn’t really… it didn’t work out like I had planned it would.”

“Definitely not. It was horrible.” She smiled.

I looked up at her, startled by her honesty, but met tender, glinting whisky eyes. I felt my heart skip a beat at her kindness.

“Maybe tonight I could show you I’m no’ really a jerk. At least I think I’m no’. What do you say about that?”

“I know you’re not.” She said, crossing her arms over her chest. “Just stop acting like if you were. I like who you are when… When you walked me home after school, I liked you then.”

I nodded and we were interrupted by two knocks on the door. It was Yi Tien Cho, a Chinese friend of Ian from work. I had met the lad only once, even though he was a little weird, I found him to be more than interesting. Finally, Mary Hawkins, another of Ian’s friend arrived and we were ready for the game.

Everyone was sitting in the living room when Claire came to find me in the kitchen.

“I didn’t know ye liked rugby.” I said, rather pleased to share this common interest with her. Rugby was a big passion of mine.

“I’ve never watched it, actually. Geillis forced me to go out with her. At first, I wanted to stay home, but she forced me out. I’m glad she did.” Claire smiled at me, taking the chip bowls from my hands. She walked out of the kitchen and I looked at her, her hips swirling as she walked. Christ.

 

CLAIRE

My date with Jamie had been a big disappointment. I had hoped it would be the start of something new, something with the real Jamie I knew was hiding behind this facade he tried to shove down my throat. But again, I had been wrong.

I couldn’t figure him out. Some days he was kind and charming, the other days, he would be a complete jerk thinking himself higher than everyone. Like today he was kind, a little shy and funny. I liked him like that.

We were all on the couches in the living room, sitting in front of the television with chips and beers. I was sitting next to Ian Murray who turned out to be a very nice lad. He was very polite and explained all the rugby rules to me.

The game ended earlier than everyone expected and we found ourselves not wanting to go home just yet. After a few beers, I was starting to enjoy myself as well.

“I have an idea.” Rupert said as we all started cleaning up the living. “We could play spin the bottle for a kiss.”

We laughed and agreed that it would be fun. We sat around an empty beer bottle on the living floor and turned around when a small brunette entered the house. “Jenny! Come wi’ us!” Jamie called.

She came and sat between me and Geillis, smiling at us. I could see she had been crying, her makeup was smudged and her eyes were red. “It’s actually a good idea.” She said with a small smile.

I saw an exchange between her and Jamie. They didn’t say anything, only with their eyes, but they understood each other. Jamie nodded, jaw clenched and went back to turning the bottle again.

For the first round, Rupert had to kiss Louise. It was rather awkward since she was Charles’ girlfriend, with us for the first time. “Well, it is my lucky day.” The scot said and straightened to kiss her when Angus stopped them. “I have a good idea! We add a difficulty to the game. The kiss must include tongue.”

“No!” Louise screamed in a comic horror, making everyone laugh, but we all agreed to Angus’ new rule .

Rupert and Louise kissed, making everyone laugh. Everyone, but Charles. Louise tried to break the kiss, but Rupert pushed his mouth against hers. “Enough, now!” Charles exclaimed.

Rupert finally broke the kiss and bent in front of Louise, bowing. “Madame.” He said before going back to his seat. I looked at Geillis over Jenny’s shoulder, smiling at her. It was a funny game, as long as the bottle didn’t choose you.

Louise turned the bottle and it stopped in front of her again. “No! Not again!” She sighed and we all laughed.

“Want another beer?” Angus joked. “I hope that this time, I’m the lucky one.”

She turned it again and the bottle stopped in front of Geillis. Everyone was silent for a moment and looked up at the red haired lass. Louise blushed, getting on her knees to kiss again. It was awkward and not very long, making everyone applaud and laugh at the end, but I saw something in my friend’s face. Something like an amazed curiosity.

Louise spinned the bottle again. I was lost in my head, hoping it wouldn’t stop in front of me. So when the bottle started slowing, coming towards me, I felt sweat drip from my forehead.

When it stopped completely in front of me, everyone shot their eyes up at me. I felt blood rise to my cheeks. “Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ.” I muttered. Louise turned the bottle again and it seemed it was taking forever, like a scene going in slow motion. Finally, it decided the fate of this kiss, directly pointing at Jamie.

His sister looked at me, a knowing smile on her lips and put a hand on the small of my back to help me up. I fumbled on my knees towards Jamie, feeling slightly drunk. “Alright.” I said, feeling my heart starting to hammer in my chest. Jamie’s face was probably as red as mine, his blue eyes turned black as night.

“Come on, Jamie!” Angus shouted. “You’ve been dying to do this for months!”

“Shut up, moron!” Rupert hit him in the ribs.

I looked up at Jamie, not sure what to think of what his friend had said. I was feeling a little confused, thanks to the alcohol.

He grabbed my waist, looking deep into my eyes and kissed me with an assurance that surprised me. Everyone applauded, laughing and joking, but I didn’t hear them. Jamie’s lips were soft and hot on mine and his hands holding onto me made me melt. I felt my knees go weak and something inside me twitch when he licked my bottom lip, eliciting a small moan only he could hear.

He suddenly broke the kiss, making me reach for more, but then I opened my eyes and remembered that we weren’t alone. “It’s more than enough, guys. If ye need more, just get a room!” Angus said again, making our friends laugh.

Feeling startled, I went back to my seat and followed the rest of the game from a distant thought, the feeling of Jamie’s lips burning on mine.

A few more rounds later, after Angus kissed Jenny, Geillis kissed Cho and Charles kissed Louise, we decided to stop and watch a movie. “I should go home.” I said getting up from my spot on the living room floor. “It’s rather late and I have work tomorrow.”

“Claire! Ye canna go home like that!”

“I’m not drunk!” I told Geillis. No, I wasn’t drunk, but I wasn’t sober either. “I can walk.”

“You live thirty minutes from here. Ye’ll freeze to death!” She didn’t let go, absolutely not wanting me to go out alone in the night.

“Ye can all sleep here, if ye like. There are extra beds and couches on the second floor.” Jenny said matter of factly. “Murtagh won’t mind. He’ll be happy to see we made responsible decisions.” She winked at Jamie who laughed. I guess there was an inside joke between them.

After seeing them interact with each other, I kind of envied Jamie for having a big sister. I always dreamt of having one, especially after my mother’s passing. I always imagined the perfect sister I wished I had and Jenny fit that image.

She was funny, but still serious when needed. She was very kind, but didn’t mind saying when she didn’t like someone or what someone did. I felt like she was a little like me, not afraid to speak her mind and take her place.

“Ye can have my room.” She turned to me. “I dinna mind sharing it wi’ ye. I have a king sized bed so even though ye’re verra tall, we’ll have enough space.” She shrugged.

“I… I don’t know.” I said surprised. “Thank you for the invitation, but I’ll call my Uncle.”

 

JAMIE

When I got out of the bathroom, Claire was in the hallway talking to her uncle over the phone. So was the man I had seen in the restaurant her uncle and not her father? It made me even more curious to know more about her, made me wonder where her parents were.

She didn’t hear me approach, concentrated on speaking over the phone. She was so bonnie, in her black jeans, a grey sweater on, her hair escaping her bun. I couldn’t stop thinking about our kiss. It probably didn’t mean anything for her, yet I had felt electricity between us. The small moan she had made when I ran my tongue on her lip was haunting me, stuck in my head like an old song you can’t get out of yer mind even if ye try hard to. Not only that, but it made my entire body ache thinking about it, waking in me an even more passionate desire for her.

She hung up and started to walk towards the kitchen. It was my chance, perhaps my only chance ever so I took it. I grabbed her arm, turning her so she bumped into my chest and I held her against me. She let out a squeak of surprise, but didn’t fight when I kissed her again. In fact, she put her arms around my neck and kissed me back, her tongue seeking entrance in my mouth.

Our kiss was passionate, rough and heart felt. It said all the things we had been trying to express in the past months, but had failed miserably at. She pushed me against the wall, locking her hips with mine. When she felt that I was more that hard, she looked up at me with deep amazement in her eyes, turning me on even more.

I fumbled with the door handle behind me to finally open it and drag her into the office. She pushed me on the chair, sitting on top of me, her mouth kissing and licking her way down my throat. I let out a deep sigh, eyes closed as she did wonderful things to me.

“Claire.” I whispered in her hair. “I want ye sae much I can’t scarcely breathe.” Whenever she moved against me, my cock would twitch painfully, making me go mad wi’ lust.

She kissed me again, licking my bottom lip and it was my turn to moan into her mouth. “Christ. Ye’re killing me.”

She absentmindedly started slowly rocking her hips on mine, searching for more friction. And it was driving me crazy. I didn’t want her to stop, in fact, all I wanted was to have her right now, on the chair, on the floor or on the desk, wherever, I didna mind. But I didn’t want to have her like that for the first time and I knew I couldn’t have her anyway. We both had had a few drinks and even though we were still in control of our minds, alcohol helped us be more… carefree with each other.

She was moaning and gasping while kissing me. It would be a lie to say I didn’t enjoy her being on top of me, while I was at her mercy, letting her do whatever she wanted to. I’d happily lie on the floor and let her ride me any time.

“Claire! Yer lift is here!” Geillis shouted from the living room.

She groaned, kissing me one last time, slowly, this time, her tongue dancing against mine, before getting up. We looked at each other in an awkward silence, both feeling very naked. “I… Thank you, for tonight. It was fun.” She said, seeming regretful.

I nodded, paralyzed on the office chair. I felt rather disappointed by what she had said. I was hoping for something more… well something more. But I knew I couldn’t. It was what it seemed to be, two turned on teenagers catching eyes in a hallway after sharing a few drinks.

She left then, leaving me on my chair with a terrible cockstand and a broken heart.


	6. What's Under The Kilt

I now owned a dog. A beautiful, young brown lab retriever named Glenna, that Lamb had brought home one day after work. She came barking in, with a pink collar and leash.

“A friend from work bought her three weeks ago. She’s very kind and obedient, but very excited and he has a young child so he doesn’t want her to hurt him. I thought you’d like a new friend.”

I was already on my knees, the beautiful puppy dog licking my neck, tail swaying from side to side in excitement. “She is so lovely! What’s her name?” Her hair was soft and short, and her eyes three shades of brown, from dark to lighter around her pupils.

“Glenna.” He said, bending next to me to touch her head.

“Glenna? What kind of name is that for a dog?” I laughed. “It fits her, though. She is so beautiful.”

Since that day, I spent all my time away from school and from work with my dog. We’d go to the park, take a walk, hunt squirrels or just lie next to each other on the rug in my bedroom listening to Bob Dylan. We were inseparable. It helped me to forget that Jamie hadn’t talked to me in a month, since our “date” and since our kiss. I hadn’t talked to him myself and it was okay this way. If I did, it would open a door; either to a broken heart or to the possibility of a relationship I was not ready to get into. I had just sent my application to Harvard and he, as Geillis had told me, had applied at Glasgow University. The last thing I needed was a reason more to stay in Scotland.

Christmas holidays were coming soon. Like every year, Uncle Lamb and I would be flying off to Boston for two weeks. Lamb had friends there, the Abernathy family. It was the only time of the year I saw Joe and talked to him for real, save for letters we sent each other through the year.

I was at work, crushing plants with a mortar and pestle, when I heard the bell at the door ring. The footsteps walked to the counter and waited there. Finishing what I was doing, I cleaned my hands on my apron and walked to the front store. A giant red headed Scotsman was waiting, his back to me, hands in his pocket, looking at all the potions and concoctions on the shelves.

“Jamie?” I asked, rather surprised to see him. He turned around, a big smile on his face. “What are you doing here?” I went behind the counter, crossing my arms on my chest.

“My sister Jenny sent me here to by some wee potions.” He said shyly. “She’s verra sick, ye see.”

“Sick?” I frowned, interested in his sister’s condition. “Is she alright?”

“Ah well… She’s a Fraser, ye ken. Stubborn, head as hard as a rock, but she has a fever and she told me she usually comes here when she doesna feel good. But she’s too sick to come, so here I am. And… Well… I kent ye worked here so I thought it would be an opportunity to see ye.” He admitted, blood rising to his neck.

It took me by surprise, making me blush as well. “Ah well… What does she want?” I asked and he handed me a sheet of paper, his sister’s beautiful calligraphy naming all the liquids she needed to heal her sickness.

Jamie followed me around the store as I went to grab everything he needed. “I’ll have to mix these… You want to come in the backstore?”

“Am I allowed?” He raised one eyebrow.

“Well… It’s not like you were intruding and besides, my boss isn’t here, so..” I whispered and he smiled.

Jamie watched me from a certain distance as I mixed the ingredients into the small green flask, putting the label on it. “There you go.” I said as I sealed the bottle. “That’s all you needed? Just what’s on the list?”

“Aye.” He said, coming back with me at the counter. “I wanted to… Well I was wondering if you would like to go out with me tonight?” He asked while I entered the prices into the cash register. I looked up at him, startled, making him uncomfortable.

“What would your girlfriend think about it?” I asked, my voice more bitter than I intended.

“I told ye she isna my girlfriend at all. Christ, no!”

“Well you did kiss her.” I said, immediately regretting the words as they escaped my mouth.

The corner of his mouth curled up in an amused smile and he leaned on the counter. “Aye? Ye did hold hands wi’ that Englishman, but I dinna think he’s yer boyfriend. At least, it doesna seem so.” I felt my cheeks burn red. So he had noticed, he had paid attention. “And I did kiss ye.”

I looked up at him, feeling breathless at the memory of our make out session in the office. “That’s different.”

“Aye. It is.” He said, surprising me again. How different?

“That’ll be £8.” I said, trying to change the subject. Jamie paid and took the paper bag from my hand. “I hope this will help your sister.”

“Aye.” He waited a moment, leaving an awkward silence between us, making me wonder whether I was supposed to say something else. “Ye didna answer my question…”

Yes. I want to go out with you. But last time, you acted like a completely annoying jerk.

Standing there, his cheeks pink in shyness, his dark slanted ocean-like eyes, I couldn’t say no to him. What was it between the two of us that made it impossible?

“Well… It depends on what you’re planning… I’m not going back to the arcade.”

“We could go out. Have ye ever been on Sauchiehall or St. Vincent street on a Saturday night? It’s pretty cool actually.”

I blushed, uncomfortable. “I don’t… no.” I wasn’t really the kind of girl to go out on a Saturday night. I usually liked to stay home in my pyjamas with a good book or a good movie. “How do I dress?”

Jamie smiled proudly and tried to wink at me. “Like a rock star.”

Jamie

Claire did take my word to the letter. When I met her at the corner of Garnet street, she was dressed in black jeans and a black leather jacket. Her hair was up in a bun, curls escaping from everywhere. She had put some makeup on again, a little more than the last time, making her look so sexy and beautiful that I had to remind myself to breathe.

“Hey.” She smiled shyly, crossing her arms on her chest.

“You look beautiful.” The words escaped my mouth before I could stop myself. She seemed happy that I said it, though, and I thought I saw the shadow of a blush on her face.

“So you want to go out? Where? Into a pub?”

I shook my head, a little embarrassed. “Ah… Uh no. I canna. I’m no’ allowed, yet.”

“It’s fine. I’ve been eighteen for a few weeks now and I haven’t gone out. Except with my uncle on my birthday.” She reassured me as we started walking. “Where are we going, then?”

“A restaurant. I hope ye dinna mind?” I hadna asked her about what she loved and all, but I wanted to surprise her. At the moment, though, I felt uncertain about that choice. Maybe she didna like to be surprised or she didna like the things I had planned, like the arcade. She did agree to go out wi’ me, though. “It’s one of my favourite spot into town. Verra good food and it’s a nice place.”

We walked in a shy silence in the noisy streets of Glasgow, where the night life was just starting. The lack of conversation between us wasn’t awkward this time, but I was searching for something to say. I terribly wanted to talk wi’ her, hear her voice and learn everything about her.

Be yourself, Jenny had said. It couldn’t be that hard, could it? Anyway, I had nothing to lose, all my chances with Claire were dead. “Ye haven’t seen much of Glasgow, then? Since ye came here?”

“No. Not much of Scotland, actually.”

“Why no’?”

She shrugged, clearly not wanting to talk about it. I tried from a different approach, then. “Ye always say that ye didna want to be here. Where is it that ye want to be, then?”

“I… I miss my home. Not the building or the country, but the people.” Her voice trailed off. “But I guess I’m getting used to Scotland. The people are nice and the food is good.”

I laughed as we approached the restaurant. “Ye’ll be happy then. I choose what probably is the best Italian restaurant in town.”

She looked up at me and smiled. I opened the door, letting her go first. “Lasses first.”

“Thank you.”

We sat by the window, the waitress left the wee menus on the table in front of us. “So? What do I eat? What is the tastiest meal that will change my life forever?” She teased me, lifting a weight from my heart and erasing all the worries.

I started to give a complete analysis of all the plates I had had at the restaurant, finishing with one I loved most, the Scottish pizza. “The what?” She choked a laugh, staring at me with amused disbelief.

“Well it’s written here, I’m no’ making this up.” I laughed, showing the pizza in her menu.

She looked down at the menu and started to read, the smile on her face growing while she went through the list of ingredients. “Pesto, potatoes, haggis, sheep and dried tomatoes? That is so weird, Jamie! I can’t believe you eat haggis even on your pizza!”

“It’s verra scottish…” I shrugged. “But maybe ye’re no’ ready for it yet. Then I suggest ye go wi’ the lasagna. It’s the best!”

“Hum.” She frowned, showing a confused face, making me laugh. “I’ll go with the lasagna. But I want a piece of your pizza in exchange of a part of my plate.”

We ordered and talked about our lives. She was really genius, speaking with an intelligence and maturity that surprised me. At first, I felt she was still on guard, but it didn’t take long until she relaxed. Claire was funny, making silly jokes all the while keeping a straight face. She was so beautiful, her whisky eyes shining and her smile haunting. When I talked, she listened, seeming interested in what I had to say. It felt good, to have someone who really wanted to know. I always felt as though the people around me were not really listening. They thought they knew me so they didna need to hear more. But Claire…she didna already kent who I was.

The waitress finally came with our plates. I waited for her to take a first bite, intently looking at her, waiting for her reaction. “It’s very good.”

I gave her one part of my pizza and she took a bit, analyzing the taste while chewing the bite. “It’s surprisingly very good!”

“Ye ken what they put inside haggis, right?” The corner of my mouth curled up in a smile.

“Yes. Just like I know what Scotsmen wear under their kilts.”

“You know?” I lifted one eyebrow, teasingly. “So ye’ve actually seen it?” Her cheeks turned pink and she lost her smile, replaced by an awkward grimace. “I’m just kidding, Claire.”

She smiled, but seemed uncertain. “Joe… my friend Joe, he lives in the States, always teases me about it. He wants me to take a picture for him of… Well a picture showing if Scotsmen really wear nothing under their kilt.” She blushed.

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Well. I do have the answer to your questions. But I won’t tell ye.” I said, taking a bite from my pizza. “Not now, anyway.”

“Not now?” It was her turn to raise an eyebrow.

I shook my head, a big grin on my face. “One day.”

Claire

Jamie was charming, dressed in his black shirt, his cheeks red from the heat in the restaurant, telling jokes and laughing like a little kid. I found myself really enjoying his presence, feeling like I was talking to a friend I had known all my life.

The food was delicious, the company was even better. He was talking about his friend Ian, about how they’ve known each other since they were “bairns”. “He has always been there for me. When… When my father died, I was completely lost and he was there as an anchor for me.”

“You lost your father?” I asked, taken aback.

“Actually, both of my parents died. My mother, when I was a wee lad and my father four years ago.”

I felt my throat tighten and a weight settle on my chest. Poor Jamie. Poor lad. My vision blurred by tears, I instinctively reached and grabbed his hand. I knew the feeling all too well.

He frowned, surprised by my touch on his hand. “I’m so sorry.” I cleared my throat. “I’m so sorry for you. It must have been terrible.”

I had lost both of my parents in a car accident when I was five. Both had been stolen away from me together. Jamie, on the other hand, had lost his mother first, then his father, losing the only hope at having a loving, living parent. I didn’t know which was worse. “I… my parents died when I was a kid.” I said, seeking strength in his touch. I felt his fingers tighten around my hand. “In a car accident.”

His thumb gently rubbed the top of my hand, sending electricity through my body.

It wasn’t the happiest thing and I wasn’t relieved that Jamie had lost his parents, but I felt a reassurance that we shared the same sorrow. And he, above everyone, could understand exactly my feelings towards this loss.

We ended the night on a happier note, walking in the busy streets, talking about books we enjoyed. I was surprised to learn that Jamie wanted to study French Literature at university.

“You speak French?”

“Aye. And Gaelic. And German. And a wee bit of Greek.”

“Wow. That’s impressive.” While I had thought Jamie was just a cool, not into his studies guy, he turned out to be a really intelligent guy. He told me he had won many chess and spelling competitions and now I learned, he spoke more than four languages at only seventeen.

“Well… it’s because of my parents. My mother spoke six languages.”

Then he told me that his dream was to study at the University of Glasgow and turn Lallybroch, his family house, into a book edition company with his sister. I told him that mine was to go study at Harvard and become a surgeon. He was surprised by that. “If I had to guess, I would have thought ye’d want to become a designer.” He said.

I burst out into a laugh. “That’s because you’ve never seen one of my drawings.”

He smiled and shook his head. “Surgeon is quite impressive, too.”

He ended up walking me home, now that he knew the way. I found myself not wanting to part with him. He was different from the Jamie I knew from school or our previous date. Funny, charming and truly interested and fascinating. I also was not feeling as if he only wanted to get into my pants, even if I still remembered all the things he had said to me, at the rugby night. I liked him very much and if I had just a bit of knowledge about body language for teenagers, I would say he liked me too. On more than one occasion he had initiated body contact with me, whether it was only the brush of fingers or knees under the table.

When we arrived at my place, we stood in an awkward silence, not really knowing how to end the night. The weight of our kiss was still there, each of us waiting for the other to say something, but not wanting to, at the same time. If we did, the moment we considered as the realization of a fantasy would turn into a bunch of regretful explanations. “It was great, tonight. You didn’t act like a jerk.” I bursted out.

He laughed shyly. “I told ye it was possible.” He looked intently at me, making my heart race faster and the heat of my body rise. His eyes were dancing on my face, from my eyes to my mouth. I thought he was thinking of kissing me and I badly wanted him to do it. Ever since our kiss, my body was burning for him, making me wake in the night.

Instead, he cleared his throat and told me good night. I reluctantly walked to me door and turned to see him wave goodbye. When I entered, I watched him go home by the window thinking “if you love me let me know”.


	7. Make it Worth

CLAIRE

Mrs. Bug gave us the corrections of our latest chemistry exam, the last week before Christmas break. 

“I really need the Christmas holidays to come right now, I’m so tired of studying and the exams are just starting.” Geillis sighed, sitting next to me. 

I was very happy to see that I had succeeded at the test, especially after all the hours of studying I had spent instead of going out with Glenna. 

“Fucking shite.” I heard Jamie mutter from the table behind me. I didn’t want to turn around, but Geillie did, so I didn’t really have the choice. 

“I spent hours studying this shite and I get a freaking C!” He said, clearly upset. “How do I get admitted into university wi’ results like that?” 

“I struggled a little with this class at the beginning of the year. Claire helped with wi’ it and now I got a beautiful A!” She exclaimed, showing her grade. 

Jamie looked at me, a hesitant look on his face. 

“I could, if you want.” I shrugged and a shy smile grew on his face. 

JAMIE

I knew I shouldn’t be nervous for a study session, but it was a study session with Claire Beauchamp and at her flat, that is. I was confident, without being presumptuous, I usually was good at school and understood easily, but I was afraid this time I wouldn’t be - too nervous or too distracted by her beautiful lips as she talked - and she’d think I was an idiot. 

So the entire day went on so slowly, it felt like it took hours until school finally ended. We took the bus to get to her place, sitting side by side in a pleasant silence. Sometimes, when the bus took a virage or a bump in the street, her thigh would touch mine and she wouldn’t move away. 

After the restaurant, we had hung out together a few times, sometimes eating our lunches with our friends or teaming up during classes. But we were always with other people, never alone together. 

Finally, we arrived at her place. She took my coat and I left my shoes on the doorstep. Her dog, Glenna, a beautiful labrador who seemed verra happy to see me; she was licking me and throwing herself at my feet so I stroked her hair. She lived in a nice flat, simple but it had a feminine touch. “Your uncle is not here?” I asked, once we had visited the small flat. 

“He works late on Thursdays. He’ll be here around eight.” She said, standing in the living room. “You want to do it here or in the kitchen or in my bedroom?” She asked, her cheeks turning red. 

I swallowed, remembering our make out session in Murtagh’s office all too well. “Here is great.”

We sat on the floor and put our books on the coffee table. She talked about the laws of thermodynamics and chemistry for about an hour before jumping to Einstein’s theory about time travel being limitely possible. “I don’t really agree with him, though.” She said, another hour later. “I believe time travel is possible. Whether through with a DeLorean or with magic stones, I don’t care, but I like to believe it’s possible.”

“Magic stones?” I asked with a smirk. She was so cute when she talked, all excited and so smart, yet she made it look so easy. I wasn’t too distracted by her soft whisky eyes and plump lips, but from time to time, I’d get lost in my thoughts, even if just for a second. 

“Yes, here in Scotland. Standing stones. You know… Callanish, Clava Cairns or Craigh na dun? My uncle told me about them. He told me people disappear at Craigh na dun.” I smiled. “A woman did, in 1945, he showed me a missing paper her husband had made. I don’t know if she ever came back.”

“As long as she is happy where she is… Wherever that is.” I shrugged. 

Claire smiled and closed her books, turning her body toward me, her knee brushed against mine. “Can I ask you something?” Holding her head with her arm on the couch, she bit her lower lip, a cute smile on her face. 

“Shoot.” I said, the corner of mouth curling up. 

“If you could time travel, whether in the past or in the future, where would like to go?”

I waited a moment, thinking seriously about the question. “I’d be in Scotland or in another country? Like can it be 2390 in Tokyo.”

“Well you start here, in Scotland, and from there you can go anywhere. But you end up in Scotland when you time travel.”

“I’d like to go in the 1700s. Around the battle of Culloden, maybe. I’d fight for my country. What about you?”

She thought about it for a moment, then shrugged. “I don’t really know. I think every time period has something special that I’d like to see. I always like the 40s… The 1940s that is. Even though, it’s the years of the bloodiest war of history, but women had so much power in that time and the fights for their rights was so intense. And the fashion was amazing and so were the cars.” She smiled and looked up at me, her cheeks slowly turning red. “What?” She asked shyly. 

“I don’t know… I like your wits.”

She burst out a laugh and shook her head. “Many don’t.”

“Ye’re no afraid to say what ye think, like my sister. But ye are more kind and sweet, ye ken?” I said, not really knowing why I was telling her that. “Anyway…” I laughed nervously. 

“I like you too. You are nice and… I don’t know… Respectful, even if you were making fun of me at the beginning of the year. Thanks for stopping, by the way.”

“It was the only way for ye to notice me.” I said honestly. “I talked to ye at during the first days of school, I tried to be kind and friendly, but ye didna seem to mind.”

“And you thought that being an jerk would make me want to become your friend?” She smiled, a brow raised. 

“And after came Frank Randall and ye started to hang out wi’ him.”

Her face changed, then, becoming more serious. “Even if I was friend with Frank we still could be friends…”

“Aye. We could be friends…” I said, not knowing how to tell her how I felt. 

“Jamie, I-“

“I love you, Claire.” The words bursted out of my mouth, surprising her as much as they surprised me. “From the first moment I saw ye, when ye entered chemistry class, yer hair flying around yer face. My father always said I’d ken it when I met the woman that’s right for me. I knew when I saw ye.” I swallowed, expecting her to slap me in the face, but she didn’t. Still, her silence was scaring me a little. 

She sat up, clenching her arms around her chest, lost in her own thoughts. “I… I…” she started, looking in front of her. “I can’t be with you, Jamie.” She said, looking at me with a sad look on her face. 

“Why no’?”

She got up, clearly upset. “Why did you tell me that?” Claire turned to face me, with piercing eyes. I got up, not understanding her reaction. “I don’t want to have any ties to Scotland.” She said in a whisper. “I am going to study in Boston. I sent in my admission and I really want to study there. And you are going to stay here and study at the University of Glasgow. That’s a six hours flight and we can only travel it by flight, not by train or by car. It’s so far away and the last thing I want is a reason to stay here or to be with someone that lives across the sea.” 

I stayed silent, mouth slightly opened. “But…”

“And I tried to convince myself that you didn’t like me, it almost worked at the movies with Laoghaire, to make sure that there was no need in hoping we could somehow make it work…”

I went to her and put my arms on hers. “It doesna have to be this way, Sassenach.” I said, trying to find the right words. “If ye love me, ye dinna have to run away. I ken long distance relationships arena easy, but university is in almost a year. Would ye risk months of happiness for the chance of parting ways?”

“The chance?”

“I’ll come in Boston, I dinna mind, Claire.”

“I don’t know, it’s nothing we both planned. I always dreamt of studying in Harvard… I don’t want to give up on my dream.” 

“I’m not asking ye to, Claire.” I said, cupping her face between my hands. “I’ll never ask such a thing from ye. But I ask that we try it and see how it works. We’ll talk about university when we get there.” I kissed her cheek. “I love ye and I ken ye like me fine. Ye dinna have to be scairt because of the future.”

She looked into my eyes, her hands cupping mine and she let out a breath. “Christ.” Her mouth twitched up a little and I pressed my forehead against hers. “Dinna be afraid. There’s the two of us now.”

“I’m not afraid… Now that you say that you love me.” I kissed her, then. It felt the right thing to do. There was nothing left I could tell her, at least now, so kissing her was the only thing to express myself without scaring her. 

She kissed me back, pressing her lips against mine, her tongue tracing my bottom lip. I opened my mouth and met her halfway. Her hands reached my hair, when she violently pushed me away from her. “What?” I asked confused, but heard the front door open. 

Claire smiled shyly at me and walked to the hall. “Hey, Lamb.” I heard her say. Taking a deep breath, I tried to find my spirits back, but could only think about what had just happened, not wanting to already question what those revelations meant for us. 

“Something’s wrong?” I recognized her uncle’s voice from the restaurant. 

“Hum.. You remember when we went out to the restaurant…” Then her voice trailed off, but I still could hear her speak but didn’t understand the words she said. Which was funny since it was her uncle who didn’t know about me being here, not me. 

Then, her uncle appeared in the living, smiling brightly at me. “Good evening, Jamie.” He said. I went and shook his hand. 

“Good evening, sir.” 

“Please, call me Lamb. For Lambert.” He added with a smile. “I’m glad to see you again, young man. I didn’t know Claire gave private lessons.” He said with a mischievous grin, leaving us in an awkward silence which he broke with a kind invitation. “Well, you serious students must be hungry. You want to stay for dinner, Jamie? Yes, it’s leftovers, but we have pasta and meat and slices of pizza from yesterday.”

“I wouldn’t want to bother…” I said, but really wanted to stay with Claire as long as possible. 

CLAIRE

Jamie and Lamb were in a serious conversation, talking about a book written during the French Revolution. Honestly, I didn’t follow much of their conversation. I was used to hearing historical discussions as a background sound with my uncle. Also, I couldn’t help but look at Jamie smiling with excitement and think about our exchange just before Lamb’s arrival. 

He loved me. 

I sometimes believed he did and sometimes I didn’t, before, but even when I thought he did, I always imagine the revelation of it would be painful and stressful because of the future ahead. Turned out, I felt so calm and happy to know that he had for me the feelings I had for him. And all I wanted to do was to kiss him again. Tomorrow didn’t matter for the moment. 

After we ate, Lamb told us not to worry about the dishes and sent us to my room. I closed the door behind me and turned around to see Jamie, shyly standing in the middle of my room, hands buried in his pocket. “Thank you for the dinner. Your uncle is a kind man.” 

“Yes.” I went to see him and stopped a foot between us. He was very tall, I had to throw my head back a little to look at him in the eye. I reached a hand tentatively, my finger stroking his strong jaw. There were three red hair on his chin. My mouth curled up at the sight. He raised an eyebrow at me and I kissed his chin where the hairs stood. “You look so manly, with these small hairs on your face.” I chuckled. 

“Aye. My facial hair doesna want to grow, so it seems.” Smiling, I kissed him again, this time on the jaw. “But I do have hairs. On my chest, if it can reassure you.”

I cupped his face between my hands and he reached to grab my waist. “Great.” I smiled and kissed his other cheek. He closed his eyes and sighed. “Jamie?” I asked a moment later and he looked up at me. “When we were in your office… What you said to me… You really meant it?”

I want ye sae much I can scarcely breathe. 

“Aye.” He nodded. “I did mean it, Sassenach. I still mean it now, too.”

I nodded, glad to hear this. Standing on my tiptoes, I went to kiss him and he reached, meeting me halfway. His lips were burning and rough against mine. We kissed for a while, it didn’t seem like a long time, but must have been because we had to catch our breath a few times. After a moment, Jamie told me he should be going otherwise his uncle will ask questions. Smiling, I reluctantly let go of him and we walked out of my room. 

Watching him dress up to go out in the winter, I couldn’t help but smile as he bent to put his shoes on, the strong muscles of his back through his white t-shirt. I went out with him and he turned on the doorstep to look at me, a small smile on his face. “I canna wait to see ye, Sassenach.”

“You see me now.” I joked, but felt the butterflies in my stomach as he spoke. 

“I want… I would very much like to kiss ye, right now. May I?” He asked, his cheeks red with the cold. 

I nodded and we kissed, a small, but comforting kiss and said goodnight. I watched as he walked to the nearest bus station, then realized something was wrong. “Jamie!” I shouted. “You forgot your bag!”

JAMIE

When I laid in bed that night, obviously I couldn’t fall asleep. I tried tea, I tried to count sheeps, I tried to read and even tried ibuprofen with somnolence, but nothing worked. I kept thinking about Claire. 

She loved me. Or she liked me fine well, nonetheless, the thought was making me too happy to fall on the other edge of oblivion. 

Even if the thought was somehow scary; I had never had a girlfriend before, I trusted her and couldn’t wait to kiss her again, hold her hand, spent more time with her and… I tried not to think about lying with her, especially now. But I wanted it so much. I was seventeen, after all, and very attracted by her and every inch of my body ached for her touch. And sex usually came with a girlfriend. I didn’t know whether she was my girlfriend, but anyway, I guessed she wanted it as well. 

The Christmas holidays were coming and she’d be going to Boston for two weeks. Two weeks without seeing her just after tonight was frustrating, but maybe it was the best so we don’t act on desperate, needy and pulsating thoughts. There would be no temptation and we’d figure things out. 

With a big smile on my face, I fell asleep and dreamt of Claire lying by my side, looking at me with tender eyes and a bright smile like she had earlier tonight.


	8. Dragonfly in Amber

CLAIRE

Four months. Four months of pure happiness. And worries and obligations and work. In the four months spent with Jamie after Christmas, we barely had time to spend with each other. We always had school, but during our free periods, we’d study together instead of make out in the back of the library. Even if I spent more time working on my grades, I had the time of my life with Jamie. When I came back from Boston, he invited me to come to his place and gave me a beautiful necklace of an amber coloured dragonfly. It was probably the most beautiful gift I ever received. Also, Jamie’s pink ears and shy smile as he gave it to me made me love it even more. 

In January, Jamie left for two weeks for Poland for a chess tournament and when he came back, I went with a small group from my science class to Germany to visit a cancer research center in Heidelberg. 

‘‘Ye’re such a nerd, Beauchamp.’’ Jamie told me, putting his arms around my neck before we boarded the train.

‘‘Says the lad who just spent two weeks playing chess with the best players in Europe.’’ I smiled, lifting my brows. ‘‘Don’t miss me too much.’’ I kissed him on the lips, slowly at first, but it became hungry, the two weeks spent apart making us want more than just a few kisses.

‘‘Come on, Claire! Kiss yer laddie goodbye one last time and come,’’ Geillis said, walking to the train. 

‘‘Goodbye, Sassenach.’’ Jamie said, kissing me deeply. ‘‘I love ye.’’ He said, making my heart burst in my chest. He had only said he loved me once, that night in my flat before I left for Boston. 

‘‘I love you.’’ I kissed him and left, holding his hand until I had to let go. 

When I came back from Germany, Jamie took me with Ian, Rupert and Angus to hike in the snowy mountains of the Highlands. Not only seeing Jamie with his cheeks pink and his hair messed up by his hat made my heart warm up in my chest, but this view of Scotland, like I had never seen it made me fall in love with the country. 

In March, we spent a day in Edinburgh with our English literature class to see a play in the King’s Theatre. We arrived around noon and spent the afternoon walking around the Old Town. Jamie took me to the Royal Mile and we ate scones in a small cafe owned by his mother’s distant cousin. 

‘‘I don’t think I’ve ever eaten a scone this delicious.’’ I said after taking a few bites.

‘‘I’m glad ye like it. Everytime we come to Edinburgh, Jenny and I come here and drink a hot chocolate in the winter or a lemon iced tea in the summer.’’ Jamie smiled, taking my hand on the table. ‘‘I’m glad to come here with ye.’’ He smiled at me, his deep piercing blue eyes looking deep into my soul. 

After the play, we went to our hotel. Unfortunately, it was the school who had booked the trip and to make sure no students would become parents - or catch STDs - they made sure boys would stay in a hotel two blocks away from the girls’. So instead of finally having the chance to spend a night with Jamie for the first time, I spent it with Geillis, talking all night long while eating chocolate.

During the weekends, Jamie and I would go walk around Glasgow and he would take me to his favourite book shops or art galleries. The more I discovered Scotland, the more I fell in love with it and the more it broke my heart to think that I could be leaving this bubble for Boston in a few months. I didn’t feel the need to run away anymore. I had uncle Lamb, my dog, Jamie and a country I loved and started to feel like I actually belonged there for the first time in my life. But Harvard was a dream I had since the first day I set foot in High School. I had sent an admission letter at the University of Glasgow and in Oxford, but I didn’t know how I’d react if Harvard would reject me.

When April ended, Lamb and I were sitting in the living room, Glenna sleeping at our feet, watching TV while eating chips when we heard a knock at our door. It was Jamie, a big smile on his face. ‘‘I got it!’’ He said before entering the flat, showing me a letter with the university's stamp on it.

‘‘And?’’ I smiled, happy for him, but feeling my stomach twist. 

‘‘I didna open it yet. I wanted to do it with ye.’’ He smiled and took a step forward to put a fast, but rough kiss on my lips.

‘‘Come in, then.’’

When Jamie took his shoes off, Glenna ran to him and jumped on him. She was head over heels in love with my boyfriend and I had to say that I was a wee bit jealous of Jamie. When he’d come home and we’d sit on the floor of my bedroom or in the living room, she always lied her head on his thigh and did as if I wasn’t there. ‘‘Hey, Glenna.’’ He said, patting her head.

‘‘Who is it?’’ Lamb asked from the living room.

‘‘Jamie! He has his letter from university!’’ Of course, speaking about university caught Lamb’s attention so he paused the film and joined us in the kitchen. We were all standing around the counter, breathless as Jamie looked at the letter with shaky hands.

‘‘I’m sure it will be good news, Jamie. You’re a brilliant student.’’ I smiled encouragingly, caressing his back.

‘‘Aye, ye’re right. Thanks to ye.’’ He chuckled nervously as he started to tear the paper of the envelope apart. He cleared his throat and started to read the letter. 

‘‘And?’’ I asked, making him look up at me. As always, I couldn’t read his face until a grin broke through. 

‘‘I was accepted.’’ 

‘‘That’s amazing!’’ Lamb exclaimed as I took him into my arms in a big hug.

‘‘I knew you could do it, Jamie.’’ I said in the crook of his neck.

‘‘I’m so relieved.’’ He sighed, running his long fingers in my curls. ‘‘Oh, God! It’s over. I’ve been stressing about this for sae long.’’ 

I pulled away, a big smile on my face and kissed him. ‘‘Jamie! You’re going to university!’’

***

That night, Jamie stayed with us until very late. After the confirmation, Lamb had gone to get the whisky and we drank in honour of the good news. Then my uncle went back to the movie and Jamie and I walked to my room. We were lying on the bed and as happy as I was for him, I couldn’t help but think about my own acceptance - or rejection- letters. If he had received them, clearly I would soon and I was not ready to make a step forward in my future. I didn’t want to leave Jamie, I wanted to stay here with him.

‘‘Ye’re alright, Sassenach? I can feel ye being so tense.’’ He said, lifting up my chin with his finger.

‘‘Yeah. Just thinking about the future.’’ I sighed.

‘‘Aye, I ken.’’ He kissed me, his tongue seeking entrance into my mouth. ‘‘Why don’t ye forget about that for a moment?’’

‘‘It’s easy for you to say, you got your acceptance letter.’’

‘‘Aye. If I was accepted, ye will too, mo nighean donn.’’ He went back to kissing me and I stopped fighting and gave into him. I deepened the kiss, making him moan into my mouth. We were facing each other, our hands exploring. In the four months we’d been together, we hadn’t done anything more than make out. I was more than ready for more.

I took Jamie’s hand and guided it to my breast. He hesitantly laid his hand on it, a deep moan escaping his lips.

‘‘Sassenach,’’ He said in a breath.

‘‘Touch me, Jamie.’’ I whispered. We could hear the sound of Lamb’s movie coming from the living room, but still, I didn’t want him to hear anything. 

He slowly ran his hands down on me, lifting my shirt and grabbed my breast, his hot hand cold on my skin. ‘‘So soft.’’ He said in a low voice and started fondling it. I couldn’t keep my moans in my throat as his delicate fingers woke every cell of my body. 

‘‘Hush, Sassenach.’’ Jamie said in a breathless chuckle. ‘‘Lamb is going to hear ye.’’

‘‘Can I touch you?’’ I asked, looking up to meet his eyes that turned dark with lust as the words escaped my mouth. 

He nodded, his breath caught in his throat. He groaned a little when I gently grabbed the bulge of his pants. I wasn’t really surprised to see that he was hard, but still it made my eyes open wide. I gently squeezed it, making him grunt and grip my breast harder. ‘‘Christ, Sassenach.’’ He said begging, his eyes closed. I unzipped his jeans and freed his hard cock. 

‘‘How do I do it?’’ I asked bluntly at the sight of him. He had soft red hair around the area, making me self conscious that I hadn’t planned on waxing my own area. 

Jamie took my hand and showed me how. After a few strokes, he let go of my hand, and instead grabbed my thigh. ‘‘Oh! God.’’ He sighed as I worked on him. His hand was still on my breast, but it wasn’t doing anything anymore. 

I couldn’t help but lick my lips at the sight of him. His face contorted in pleasure, his mouth half open and grunting sounds coming from his throat. There was something I found erotic about being the one in charge, being the one to make him feel that way. I bit the skin on his neck and he let out a shaky breath. ‘‘I’m… I won’t…’’ He said, his cock twitching in my hand as I bit his skin. ‘‘God.’’ He cried and spilled himself into my hand. 

Looking at him as he found his spirit back only turned me on even more and I hoped that this wasn’t too much for him and he would do the same to me. He finally opened his eyes and smiled sheepishly at me. ‘‘’Tis even better than being accepted at university.’’ 

Chuckling, I kissed his mouth and he let out a long sigh, letting his head fall on the pillow. 

‘‘It was good?’’ I asked, hoping he had enjoyed it.

‘‘I thought my heart was gonna burst. I didna ken wee hands like yers could do such amazing things.’’

He kissed me, fondling my arse. ‘‘I want… I want ye to feel the same.’’ Jamie looked up at me, his eyes no longer blue but deep black. 

I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest when his fingers slowly slid inside my pants. ‘‘Christ. Ye’re so wet, Sassenach.’’ Jamie whispered and it was my turn to close my eyes. 

JAMIE

She was asleep, her face buried in my neck. I had slept too after, but now I felt so alive, I couldn’t keep my eyes closed. My heart was beating so hard in my chest, I thought it would explode. I had never been happier in my life and earlier, when Claire had come, rocking her hips on my fingers, I knew that I didn’t care about school, all I wanted in life was to please her. 

I felt her wake up, shifting against me. ‘‘Jamie?’’ She asked in the cutest sleepy voice. ‘‘Are you awake?’’

‘‘Aye, Sassenach.’’ I said, kissing the top of her head. 

She sighed, content, and kissed my chest before stretching her legs. ‘‘I just realized that I didn’t buy a birthday present for you.’’ Claire said, sitting up next to me. A bright smile lit up her sleepy face as she laid eyes on me.

‘‘I had the best birthday gift earlier.’’ I said, wingling my eyebrows, making her cheeks turn red. 

‘‘I can’t give you that in front of your family, though.’’

Chuckling, I ran a hand on her thigh. ‘‘Aye, true.’’

I had invited Claire to Lallybroch the next weekend to celebrate my birthday. It would be the first time I’d see my family in almost two years and I couldn’t wait for that, but mostly, I couldn’t wait to present Claire to them. 

***

Three days later, after I finished my homework, I got into the shower. Since Claire and I had… touched each other, I couldn’t keep the image of her crying out in front of me, thinking about the wet warmth between her legs and the way she had touched me. Just a flicker of that night in my head would result in a painful cockstand, sometimes in very unfortunate places like at work, or sometimes in bed or in the shower. I tried not to think about it, because I felt like a coward everytime I needed to touch myself, thinking I shouldn’t be doing it when I had Claire, but it was so painful not to do anything, that I always ended up closing my eyes and thinking about her.

When I got out, Jenny was waiting in the living room. ‘‘Finally! What took you so long?’’ She didn’t realize what she had just said, but still my heart stopped dead in my chest for a moment and my cheeks turned red. 

‘‘Sorry.’’ I rumbled and walked to my room. 

‘‘Jamie!’’ Murtagh called after me on my way from down the stairs. ‘‘Claire’s on the phone.’’

Just at the mention of her name my heart started hammering in my chest and I almost ran to the phone. “Hey Sassenach.’’

Murtagh stood in front of me, arms crossed on his chest. I made a sign at him to go away, which he finally did with a grunt. 

‘‘Jamie.’’ She said in such a low voice I almost didn’t hear her.

‘‘Something’s wrong?’’ I asked. 

‘‘I received my letter from Harvard.’’

My hammering heart immediately stopped dead in my chest and I felt my throat tighten. All I wanted was for her to be happy, but deep inside, I selfishly hoped that she would stay in Scotland. ‘‘And?’’

She stayed in silent for so long I thought she was gone until she finally spoke. ‘‘I was refused.’’ Claire said in a breath. 

I closed my eyes, feeling terribly sad for her and at the same time terribly relieved. ‘‘I’m so sorry, Sassenach.’’ I said, honestly. ‘‘How are ye feeling?’’ I sat on the counter, ready to hear her speak her heart.

‘‘I feel… Well rejected.’’ She said, her voice shaky. ‘‘But… I don’t mind. I think… I’m relieved. I’m… Glad.’’ She bursted out and then started to weep. 

‘‘Dinna cry, Sassenach. Ye’ll send another letter next selections, it’s fine.’’ I said, trying to comfort her.

‘‘Don’t you listen?’’ She said in raw voice, surprising me. ‘‘I said I was happy they refused me.’’

‘‘Then why are you crying?’’

‘‘Because… I don’t know.’’ She cried for a moment. ‘‘I think I’ll soon be on my period.’’

‘‘Do ye want me to come over, babe?’’ I asked. 

‘‘No, it’s fine. Thank you. I have Glenna and Lamb.’’ She said with a choked laugh. ‘‘I just… I’ve been stressing about this for so long… I was so worried I’d be refused, it was my dream, you know. But at the same time… All my life I’ve longed for a place to call home and I found it in Scotland. With Lamb, with my dog… With you. I don’t want to leave, I want to stay and build a life here.’’

Tears were threatening to stream down my face. I was so happy to hear her tell me this, I suddenly could see it. All these plans I had for the future with her, but could never really imagine because she would only leave me, leave Scotland, now were just in front of me.

‘‘Claire…’’ I whispered. 

‘‘I was accepted to the University of Glasgow. I want to go there, where Lamb teaches and where you study. We’ll rent a small apartment near the campus and we’ll be happy there with Glenna.’’

‘‘Aye, Sassenach. I know we will.’’


End file.
